クレージーの殴り込み清水港 / Kureji no Nagurikomi Shimizu Minato / Crazy Violence at Shimizu Harbor [1970]

Release date: January 15
Director: Takashi Tsuboshima
Studio: Toho
Cast: Hitoshi Ueki, Kei Tani, Hajime Hana, Senri Sakurai, Shin Yasuda, Etaro Ishibashi, Hiroshi Inuzuka,  Keiko Natsu, Yoko Naitō, Yuriko Hoshi, Akemi Kita, Akihiko Hirata, Hideyo Amamoto, Gorō Mutsumi, Akira Fuse, et al
Availability: Available on Amazon Prime (Japan-only) and an unsubtitled DVD.

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Here we have the sequel to The Boss of Pick-Pocket Bay, released four years later (unusual for Toho, who typically crank out sequels at a rate of one per millisecond). It is in fact the only sequel in the Crazy Cats series, and is the last to feature all seven members together. I don't have much trivia for this one, but I did find it interesting that evidently Yoko Naitō was sent to Toei to learn from Koji Tsuruta and Ken Takakura since the people at Toho did not have adequate experience directing female yakuza characters.

The first movie was a total mess that was only barely held together by Hitoshi Ueki being really entertaining to watch. Let's see if this one is any better. As always, I claim no copyright, all images belong to Toho. All I own is the DVD.

The film opens with Yoko Naitō's character Oyo delivering a message to Jirocho from a man named Tomokichi, who he had previously taken care of. Tomokichi is now in need of 150 ryō to repay a debt, and Jirocho is more than willing to help him, but he needs someone to deliver the money. Ishimatsu is the first to step up, immediately seeing an opportunity to make some money, so he cheats when all of Jirocho's men draw lots - but is disappointed to learn that he'll be ordered not to drink or mess around with women during his journey.

Hirata is again playing Ōmasa, one of Jirocho's real-life henchmen. He is very clearly having a great time in this role. For such a random movie that he isn't even in that much, this ended up being one of my favorite roles of his that I've seen recently. Toho frequently cast him as a villain, of course, but the roles where he really seems to be getting into it are the ones where he has to play bitchy villains. (See also: Mr. K.) He does "fake mean" really well.

Ishimatsu tries to get on a boat and set off, but he encounters a petulant samurai named Gojuro, played by Ryōhei Uchida. Fortunately Sangoro (Hitoshi Ueki) shows up to defuse the argument using a move I'm surprised I'm seeing for the first time here: as Gojuro goes to unsheathe his sword, Sangoro grabs the hilt from behind so he can't pull it out. Then Sangoro and Ishimatsu try (and fail) to steal the boat just for funsies. This is also Hiroshi Inuzuka's only scene; I'm wondering if they forgot to write him into the movie again.

Reunited with Sangoro, Ishimatsu is unable to resist the call of women and drink. Sangoro promises Ishimatsu that he'll take his place as Jirocho's messenger so he can stay behind and have his fun. He dresses up as Ishimatsu and goes off in his place - and we get our first musical number of the film. On the road, Sangoro encounters a woman named Ogin (Akemi Kita), who, mistaking him for Ishimatsu, is thrilled to make his acquaintance.

...so that she can steal his wallet.

Out of money and hungry, Sangoro now has to scam his way into a meal. As in the first film, he makes trouble for the owners of a restaurant by ordering tons of food and leaving them with only an IOU. Gorō Mutsumi's character Tamegoro shows up at this point, I like him, I'd been looking forward to seeing him in this. (Sangoro steals his wallet.)

The poor harried restaurant owners know of Tomokichi (Hyō Kitazawa), the man who Sangoro/Ishimatsu is supposed to be delivering the 150 ryō to, and Oyo as well. Sangoro meets up with Tomokichi, who explains that he's in poor health and borrowed money from a man named Samezo (Kaku Takashina - another actor I like) to get medicine, but Samezo increased the interest until Tomokichi owed the lofty sum of 150 ryō, and also threatened to take Oyo - his daughter - and sell her to a brothel. (Remember: at this point Sangoro no longer actually has the money.)

Also featuring Hideyo Amamoto, the Blind Swordsman. (I'm not kidding. His character's name is "Zatokichi".)

"i want zatoichi" "we have zatoichi at home" zatoichi at home:

Tamegoro and his thugs intimidate Sangoro into giving the 150 ryō (that he does not have) to his boss Samezo. Sangoro charms Samezo into believing he wants to leave Jirocho and join Samezo's family instead (so he won't get killed). He comes up with a plan to gamble until he gets the money back.

Meanwhile, the real Ishimatsu is fantastically drunk. He stumbles into the same restaurant Sangoro tried to use his clout as fake-Ishimatsu at and gives them the exact same spiel, but of course they don't believe he's who he says he is. After a dagger fight with the owner he then makes it to Tomokichi's place, and they don't believe him either. Just as Sangoro is about to make good on his debt by gambling, Samezo shows up with Ishimatsu and the whole jig is up. "Zatokichi" is as good as the real Zatoichi at sussing out dice game tomfoolery, so Sangoro is in even hotter water when Samezo challenges him to a game directly and he tries to cheat.

subtitle: "[ahem]"

Sangoro gets in trouble for all of five seconds and the focus then shifts to Oyo running off on her own to raid Samezo's place. Akira Fuse's character Yuki shows up at this point, playing the good cop to Gojuro's bad cop. Neither he nor Gojuro really feel like they need to be in the movie, but it is nice to have some people in this aside from the seven Crazy Cats. Fuse is so blatantly just there to look pretty.

Very quickly some kind of cockamamie scheme that I had trouble following is concocted whereby Tomokichi pretends to sell Oyo to a magistrate named Genba (Kenzō Tabu), but instead of Oyo, he gives him Sangoro in drag. Hijinks ensue. Samezo catches Sangoro and throws him in jail, but he escapes, then Genba catches him and throws him in his jail, but he escapes that... however, neither Samezo nor Genba actually know Sangoro has escaped, because he's performing some insane magic act where he runs between their respective jails when one of them isn't looking, so he appears to be in both jails at once. During all of this, Oyo is safe and getting fantastically drunk with Ishimatsu.

Sangoro sends Tomokichi, Oyo, and their family back to Shimizu to be protected by Jirocho's family while he stays behind to deal with Samezo and Genba. (His plan is to pit them against each other and then sit back and watch it all implode. Quote: "Stupid fights are only boring if you're the one in them. It's fun to watch other people do them.")

I'm realizing something about "Gojuro". His full name is Gojuro Arafune... he's a ronin in a black kimono who hires himself out as a bodyguard... Go... juro... Ara... fune... huh... hmm. This is Toho riffing on their own hits, isn't it. Anyway Sangoro gets into a fight with him but outwits him by being able to run faster than him. Sangoro then does some more jail hopping, but meanwhile someone from Samezo's family has managed to get to Jirocho and try to poison him and his men with pufferfish.

I really do love these Crazy Cats movies. They're just high silliness all the way through.

The ending is a bit anticlimactic, but this entire movie feels like one long climax, so it's fine. Jirocho and his men fake their own deaths just so they can jump out and have a big fight with Samezo and Genba's combined forces right when they least expect it. We get a Zatoichi Meets Yojimbo fight at the end, Sangoro rebukes the woman who had fallen in love with him, and the movie ends on a shot of Mt. Fuji, like it began.

?

Extremely unserious movie. Is it better than Boss of Pick-Pocket Bay? Yes, by a country mile. This is what that movie should have been: well-paced, with tons of genuinely funny jokes that don't feel strung together. Ueki is a strong lead as usual, but he doesn't have to carry the whole movie this time, since he's supported by an enormous cast of goobers who all bring their own gags. Highly recommended.

I wish Hirata had gotten more comedic roles.